Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
So last night, I was cleaning out my in box, and I opened it up.
It had a message from my urologist saying that the CT scan showed no signs of cancer.
A four minute sigh of relief followed...
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
For anyone who hasn't had one, CAT scans are not so bad, I suppose. You have to pick up a small jug of barium contrast the day before your scan. Some people don't mind the taste, some people can't choke it down. I think it tastes like a combination of orange push-up, suntan lotion, and iron filings. But I still drink it down. 'Cause that's me. You have one glass between 8-10 pm. Then you can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight. You drink another glass an hour before your scan, and then you have the last cup right before they put you on the machine.
The machine looks like a stargate about the size of a manhole cover. There is a long bed that moves back and forth through the hole. It has a bunch of numbers on the top and two cartoon faces, one that's holding its breath, and one that grinning rather sardonically. This is because, you guessed it, you'll be holding your breath as you're passed through the stargate.
One they've taken a couple of scans, they'll put an IV in your arm and inject you with another dye, and let me tell you, this stuff is weird. It heats you up in the strangest places...your sinuses, the heels of your feet, and your groin, so that it feels like you've wet yourself. Very disconcerting the first time you experience it, but then you kinda look forward to it. After they take a scan, they wait 6-15 minutes to scan you again. This time, they're making sure that the dye has made it into your bladder. It shows up as a metal blob. And they your sent on your way with the instructions to drink a lot of water, because you need to flush that dye out of your system, or else you can develop kidney problems (I literally drank a gallon of water that day...and I don't really drink a lot of water.)
So, this time around, I was really nervous. It's been too quiet around the household. It seems we were dealing with so much at once, I almost expect to have a crisis now. What if they find cancer in the lymph nodes? (that's the whole reason for the scan, by the way) That's a major surgery that takes months to recover from and has many complications. Or even if it has shown up in the other testicle? That's a whole other issue.
I think that I haven't dealt with the cancer thing really completely, as far as my emotions about the whole thing go. I've been busy with school, family, and everything else. Maybe I'm avoiding it? Afraid of what I'll find? Perhaps I haven't grieved. It wouldn't be the first time I've had issues with that. Am I angry at myself? This is the point...I'm not sure I've resolved and reconciled what being a cancer survivor means to me. I know I'm gun-shy about the doctor now. It's sort of like the dog that's been kicked...I'm not sure if the next time I come when I'm called, I'll get a boot in the ribs (or a knive in the gut). Maybe I should look into a cancer survivors network in my area. Chat room forums are nice, but some face time with people might be helpful.
So those are my thoughts for this evening. Now it's off to read what other people have written about theatre, and to write about what they wrote about...crazy. No wonder I'm always tired.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Max has begun eating solid foods recently, and he's already opinionated about what's good and what's not so good. But, true to the family name, this doesn't really make a difference when it comes dinner time. He'll eat it all. This was a good reaction...I think.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Talk in the department has already turned towards summer and of course, the big London trip. It's only 4 months away! You better believe there will be pictures posted during that time!
Also, thank you to everyone who has donated to my Relay for Life fundraising efforts. I'll be thanking you individually in the very near future.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
It's hard to believe that our little man is six months old today! (Well, technically 4 months adjusted, but he's been 'out and about' for 6) He is *definitely* not the same boy who entered the world so horribly ill six months ago and we are thankful for every day. His latest milestones include realizing he has a tongue, a voice and the drooly beginnings of teething! The other night he spent a good half hour shrieking just for the sake of shrieking. He wasn't upset or anything, he just felt like squealing! Needless to say, for parents who witnessed their preemie screaming at the top of his lungs in the NICU, but weren't able to hear a sound because of the tubes down his throat... well, the screams now are like music to our ears. (Ask us again about this a few months down the road- haha!) The other biggie is that yesterday during physical therapy he rolled over by himself 5x on his own! His therapist says he is right on schedule for his adjusted age, so we're thrilled. Every day is a new adventure with him and we're so blessed for his improved health!