It's raining here in State College. A cold rain too. I'm supposed to do a lot of walking to speed recovery, and Penn State is great for that (my classes are in two buildings on the opposite sides of campus) but the rain isn't helping. I'm walking like a very old and decrepit man. It's difficult to stand up straight, as it tugs on my incision. I have to pull my books behind me in a rolling bookbag, because I can't lift anything. I take short and shuffling steps. It's like I'm ready to play Willie Loman. It's not forever, I know, but still, it's not how I like to carry myself. Especially when I'm surrounded by many spry and bouncy undergraduates. And the really funny part is that I have to wear athletic pants, because they're stretchy and easy on my wounds. Ironic that I the clothes I have to wear were made for exactly the type of activity I shouldn't be doing.
Angie and Max were up most of the night. She was exhausted when I got up this morning. Fortunately, Grandma Kathy is here and loves nothing more than to dote on little Max, so Angie went to sleep for a while and Max was curled up in Grandma's arms when I left. I worry that Ange is burning the candle at both ends. I'm so thankful that Grandma is here, and Nana before that. Uncle Dave will be up this weekend, and before you know it, it will be Thanksgiving and many relatives will be able to help. Hopefully, my treatments won't be too taxing on me, and I can participate in the day to day activities like I did before. At the very least, I just hope that I'm not putting too much on my wife. And I know what she'll say. "I said in sickness and in health, and I meant it." She' so predictable.
I have an appointment this Monday to go over what the lab has discovered about my condition, and what my treatments will be. Hopefully, surgery will be all that is needed, possibly radiation. As I mentioned before, I'm not a fan of not knowing what is coming down the pike. I feel like I'm about to enter tech week without a production meeting. Being totally unprepared is not how I like to go about anything, as those of you who have worked with me well know. Nor do I enjoy feeling like I'm dropping the ball, and I'm starting to feel that way about school. But I'll catch up, like I did before. I truly enjoy the work. I feel myself growing as an artist and as a professional, even though I've been here a relatively short time. I get frustrated when I feel I'm not moving in that direction all the time, but it's hard to concentrate while the anesthesia is working itself out of your system.
Don't let this seemingly depressed post full you, though. I am going to beat this. There is no other option in my mind. I am still willing to speak about it to anyone who has questions. We shall persevere. We will be stronger for it. We have already found blessings that go with the situation, and we will find many more, I'm sure.
But, sometimes one just needs to bitch a little.
Consider yourselves bitched at.
Thanks for listening.